ELIOT: Previously on The Magicians...
To go back to 40, you're gonna want
to turn this dial three clicks to the right.
Tell Kady I love her.
Pete? You're Lovelady?
This is the Black Market?
You'd be surprised what you can find in here.
- Josh, I didn't... - Didn't mean to hurt me?
Yes, you did.
Believe it or not, I know exactly who you are, Margo.
ALICE: Who's she?
- That's Carol. - That's Carol?
(SCREAMING)
Poppy Kline. Draconologist,
post-graduate fellow and field researcher.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Hey! Who are you?
Why am I having these stupid dreams?
Harriet?
(INAUDIBLE)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
GAVIN: Sheila Cozener?
You've been a busy girl.
They have my friend Sheila.
I know.
I need your help.
(EXHALES)
Jesus, based on the novel Christ, by Sapphire!
What? What are you doing here?
I thought you needed some help.
You're welcome, by the way, for risking regicide.
Help? But you just wished me well
on my "solo-op," not a day ago.
I had a good think about that, Fen.
- Oh. - And, uh, these dreams you've been having,
who are they really about?
Well, I dreamed of a bunny with its throat all...
Me, Fen.
- Hmm. - Talking animals are my constituency,
and your next dream was about my birthright lizard.
Oh, I also dreamt about Josh.
Fucking up some shit he was supposed to be cooking for me.
Sorry, it's... I just thought that, it was, you know,
my quest.
Okay.
On the off chance, then I'm your wing woman.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Right.
I don't mean to pry, but, uh, speaking of Josh...
Are you and he...
- We're fine. - Not fighting?
Fen, Josh is a guy I banged,
and when a woman of a certain caliber,
and a certain skill set bangs a guy like Josh,
or basically anyone who isn't a complete sociopath,
they get a little weird.
It'll pass.
Okay, so it's not about...
Fen, don't accuse me of catching feelings.
All right? It's insulting.
Okay. Sorry.
Well, if we're both here,
who'll run the kingdom?
Josh.
(GRUNTS)
Don't forget your little knife.
(SIGHS)
Okay.
So all of a sudden, you need my help?
Yes, it really must be you.
As long as this doesn't end with you arresting me.
ZELDA: It won't.
And does end with you letting my friend Sheila Cozener go.
She hasn't done anything wrong, just the opposite.
You should get Zelda to promise
to bury the woman's book, as well.
Otherwise they can always find her again.
And you.
Zelda needs your knowledge of the Mirror World.
Your experience is, well, exceedingly rare.
Who's in the Mirror World?
Harriet.
The Fuzzbeater?
Who undermined everything that you believe in.
She's always had a strong spirit.
Like her mother.
Oh.
I didn't know.
She didn't want you to.
Look, those who go into the Mirror World
rarely find their way out, but you did.
- I hoped you could... - Recap my time as a monster?
Funny. When I offered you my notes before,
you said you had everything.
I didn't know then how much I didn't know.
I went in to find her. I found something else.
Like reflections, but incomplete.
Wrong, warped.
I called them shards.
When you're in there long enough, it refracts you.
Those weren't her, they were echoes.
You need to track down the real her,
but that'll be a problem.
Why?
ALICE: Doing magic in there is insanely dangerous.
When I was a Niffin, I...
I experimented.
It's easy for a spell to go haywire.
Bounce around, kill everything in its path,
pretty gruesomely.
What you need to do is pull her out.
Good. How?
DEAN: I might have something.
If Zelda has agreed to your terms, of course.
Free Sheila, then bury her book.
Yes.
And an extra month's supply
of campus-wide rations, every semester.
A month? That's...
Fine. Agreed. The spell?
It turns an ordinary object into sort of a beacon.
(CHUCKLES) Relies on very specific connections between people.
In fact,
the only person in this room
with any shot of pulling this off
is you, Alice.
(SCOFFS) What does that mean?
Well, something I suspect
you're not going to enjoy in the least.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
It is not a good morning, America.
Because of you, I stopped doing
anything fun to this body,
so why is my inside full of angry ants?
Well, you're probably going through
withdrawal from drinking, drugs...
More drugs would help.
No.
No drugs. We have a deal.
That you would help me find a god,
and that I wouldn't hurt this body anymore,
but your eyes were closed, so not helpful.
No deal.
Yes, drugs.
No. Look, I found some leads. Okay?
Um...
Charlemagne's Globus Cruciger
You know, it... That could have been a...
I give you a mummy and you give me guesses.
The mandrake god is dead.
Finding his piece should be easy.
I just need another day.
Please.
There's a man in the TV who deserves my wrath.
I'll be back when I'm done with him.
That was not super dignified.
If you have any ideas,
we're looking for an ancient artifact
that was lost to the Black Market
a few hundred years ago.
Actually, I... (SIGHS)
I do know a guy.
But...
Julia's not gonna like it.
Pete? He's
untrustworthy and a creep. No!
Actually, I go by Lovelady now.
It's just, we're not really
in a position to refuse help right now.
JULIA: Fine.
You guys can deal with Lovelady.
I'm getting a drink.
She made Lovelady sound lame.
What'd you find?
Okay...
We have this rock.
Petrifies anything it touches.
QUENTIN: Mmm-mmm.
And I know you said, "stone organ."
This is a pipe organ, extremely cursed.
KADY: No.
Okay, this doesn't look like much,
but legend has it
there's a lot of power trapped inside.
But no one knows how to crack it open.
Yes, Pete, this is it.
Well, you're not gonna believe this,
but it's actually in the hoard of a dragon, which are real.
- Oh, yeah, we know. - Yeah, I've met three.
Oh, you...
Okay. Uh, this dragon, though, is in New York.
The Hudson tunnels. Yeah, I've met her.
No, East River.
- Ugh. - Garbage dragon, got it.
So how do we get an audience?
You talk to her herald.
The dragon has an assistant?
9:00 a.m. Bring something to trade.
Great, so we have a few hours
to find something to impress a dragon.
There's gotta be something around here.
Your friends are lovely.
Well, after this, we're even.
You saved my life, so... No, not quite.
(LAUGHS) What? You're surprised?
You thought I was a complete selfish prick?
What do you really know about me?
Oh, right.
That I was a fucking great lieutenant to Marina.
What I am is loyal.
To the right person.
- And that's me? - PETE: Could be.
You ready to graduate from helping your college buds
to solving a real crisis?
Like what's happening with the hedges.
When one hedge blows up a Library branch, shit gets bad.
Who knew?
- Does the Library know who did it? - No.
So we're all terrorists.
They're making Library cards mandatory,
outlawing spells...
You're right.
We gotta do something. Turn Whitley in.
She did it.
She stood here and said
she would make them pay for killing her boyfriend.
They did kill her boyfriend. They almost killed me.
They deserve to pay. She did us a favor.
She made life harder for all of us.
Look, I'm on the Library's list.
I can't turn her in.
But you can.
Take the heat off of everyone
until we figure out what to do next.
JULIA: Twenty-three. Thought you bailed.
Just, you know, figuring some shit out.
So, Shoshana, she...
She get you solved?
Mmm, she's dead.
I'm sorry. That's heavy.
Yeah, it is.
Still no answers.
No closer to what I am.
And Eliot's still alive,
but that means we have to help The Monster.
Which is why I'm drinking.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
I could use a drink, too.
I have a real fun message to deliver.
KADY: Hey.
Where've you been?
PENNY: Timeline jumping.
I actually met your Penny.
He's, well, dead, but good.
And he asked me to tell you that he's sorry.
And he loves you.
In other words, not coming back, right?
That's...
What am I supposed to do with that?
Truth is, he was pretty broken up about it.
He asked that you let him go.
He's proud of you.
(SCOFFS)
He knows you're moving on, taking charge.
You're gonna find your way and...
(SNIFFLES)
Be happy.
God, what the fuck does he know?
Oh! (SIGHS)
- Well, this is just what I needed today. - Hi, Mom.
I went to get a Library card
and they treated me like the mother of a criminal,
which I guess I am now.
- What did you tell them? - What is there to tell?
I never see you unless you need something.
It's just a simple cooperative spell.
And yet you came all this way.
Okay, it requires a mother and a daughter.
Well, you could say "please."
Fine. Please.
I'm afraid we have to make it quick. I have plans.
Wow, you've really done a lot with this place.
Well, the Library helped me
redo Daniel's architectural spells
and his protection wards.
You mean that crazy lockdown spell
Dad installed after he saw The Purge?
I'm alone now, Alice. A defenseless widow.
What's that?
The Library put that in after the Modesto Act of Terror.
Keeps track of magic use.
So you take their handouts,
and in exchange you let them spy on you?
The gas company keeps a meter behind the garage.
Are they spying on me?
The Library saved magic, Alice.
They provide a resource.
Who cares if they keep track of who uses it?
They gave you extra magic for that?
You always resented my flowers.
You're both pretty. You both deserve my attention.
Jesus Christ, Stephanie.
I don't give a shit about your stupid ditch weeds.
Lives are at stake.
Let's get started.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
I mean, sure it's enchanted,
but what's a dragon gonna do with a human-sized telescope?
- I don't know. I'm all out of baby teeth. - MAN: Hello?
- (PHONE RINGING) - Yes, we are going to be delayed indefinitely.
Please hold.
No, no, not until we've located the item.
I'm gonna have to call you back.
Please hold. Please hold, I...
This is not a good time.
It has to be now. You the herald?
I'm Harold, the herald of the East River Dragon.
I responded to a confusingly worded help-wanted ad.
Can we just talk to your boss?
- We're closed, sir. - I... Just come on.
We have an emergency.
Regarding an item that perhaps you've lost,
or someone may have stolen?
Yeah, we could help. We could find it.
Nice offer, but I doubt you can.
- Just tell us what got stolen. - QUENTIN: Yeah.
Come on. We're professionals.
(SIGHS)
This elixir is worth more than both of you.
The Great Lady of the East River
will give you whatever you choose
if you recover it.
But you won't.
The thief used this.
It's untrackable.
Can I see that?
We can do this.
JULIA: You seem confident.
Yeah, well, his tracking spell failed
because he used the wrong circumstances.
He didn't know where the thief got this.
- Which is? - Fillory.
Oh.
Hello? Yes. Right away.
FEN: Oh.
- Are you the lady from... - Your dreams?
So, you're a prophet?
And a cat-type person?
Did I appear in your dreams as well?
Wait, you don't know if you were in my dreams?
It was rhetorical.
You desire your future.
See, you're just stating the obvious.
(WHEEZES)
A vision.
You are leaving.
You did not earn what you're here to seek.
No, no, no, ignore her.
I will do anything.
The vision changes. You're celebrating.
You stand on a stone path that you will lay.
Next to a roof, you re-thatch. Near a garden, you will plant.
So, to get a prophecy
we have to landscape your yard. Huh?
- Your wish is... - My command.
Small note?
Your whole predicting-what- we're-gonna-say thing
- is a tad... - Annoying.
Oh, you're good.
(DOOR OPENS)
Poppy. What are you doing in the Physical Kids cottage?
(SCOFFS)
I've been meaning to reach out.
Notice you got magic back. Amazing.
They didn't have an appropriate thank-you card at Target.
So, you got this in Fillory and used it to rob a dragon?
Uh, no. Why would I? (LAUGHS)
Because you're a dragon-obsessed
crazy person who does selfish things
- for personal gain. - Oh, please.
Name one example of... Wait, don't.
I remember.
You're literally dripping with sweat,
which is usually a pretty good sign
that somebody's hiding something.
Okay, fine. You caught me.
Happy?
Hello? Q?
- Anyone? - QUENTIN: Hey.
What are you doing here?
What are you?
You were supposed to be back hours ago.
Kady had to cast a locator.
Somebody moved this entire cottage.
Right, uh, sorry.
Things just got so complicated.
- Is that chili? - Yeah.
Will you just give me a...
Will you just excuse me for a second? Um...
- POPPY: Oh, hey, there. - Oh, hello.
- Belly. - POPPY: Okay.
Before you ask, yes, it was my tranquilizer dart.
But some douchewad stole it from me.
I would never cross a dragon.
I'm not an idiot. (CHUCKLES)
Um, but what are you doing here?
I needed a place to gestate,
and I'm, hmm, technically still enrolled, so...
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHS)
Julia, we have some news.
- I'm going to be a dad. - (LAUGHING)
Well, this is some serious Mr. Miyagi bullshit.
But wasn't Mr. Miyagi actually training Daniel-san
for his big fight against Cobra Kai?
Do you think we're learning secret fighting skills?
When did you watch The Karate Kid?
Over there, the garden is overgrown with strangler vines.
Why do you think we're avoiding that part?
PROPHET: I have seen a vision.
All vines trimmed by your hand. Weeds, gone.
- Where you going? - I'm gonna go take care of a weed.
It's an act, right?
She's gotta be the one that stole from the dragon.
I don't know, Q's acting like it's real.
He's taking this whole "father" thing pretty seriously.
He's talking about what kind of dad he wants to be.
Look at her.
She's sketchy on a good day.
Definitely hiding something.
I can feel it through every mental ward.
PENNY: Bet she cast some shit on him.
Hmm?
Dragon erotica?
"The Dragon Riders of Porn."
By Poppy Kline.
Hmm, number-one bestseller in its category.
Oh, wow.
It's detailed.
The elixir?
I thought Q said he didn't find anything.
Why is it empty?
- It's not glowing, Alice. - I can see that, Stephanie.
Well, that's five tries.
And I am not having my magic suspended
because of your thumb-heavy casting.
I'm not thumb-heavy!
It's not your fault that you inherited Daniel's fingers.
The problem is casting a spell
that requires a connection with a mother
who refuses to be called "Mom."
Connections take two people, Alice.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
I don't mean to be rude,
but I did tell you that I had previous plans.
Now you act like I can just drop everything
for your thick-fingered spells.
The reason it's not working
is because you would rather go on a date
than help your own daughter.
It's not a date.
It's Carol.
The last time you saw her you electrocuted her,
so best not test her loyalty.
The Library offers rewards for fugitives.
Out the back.
(SIGHS)
I'm not leaving without my spell.
Nice illusion work, Carol.
You look great.
I mean, you always look great, I just...
I'm really sorry about last time.
Let's just leave it in the past, shall we?
For what it's worth,
the Library doesn't like me very much, either.
Why is that?
My new business.
Marital aids.
Your partner feels everything, even long-distance.
Especially long-distance.
Oh, wow.
STEPHANIE: Now, who is that?
They work for the Library.
Well, I'll just send them away.
What are they doing here in the first place?
I don't know what...
You called them on me.
I would never!
Oh, would you just stop for once, Mother?
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
Bollocks.
No, what did you do?
My dad's Purge protocol. I locked them out.
And us in.
PROPHET: (MAN SCREAMING) Fen! Fen!
Umber's Balls! What did you do?
I shoved this bullshit artist right in the briar patch.
Thought she'd see it coming. Guess not.
Margo, don't do this. I'll never get my prophecy.
Yes, free me or no prophecy!
Oh, shut your lie-gina, you cat-dressing con artist.
How can I save you?
(STAMMERING) I see some shears in the shed.
Oh.
What?
You didn't predict this?
It's all a lie, Fen.
She's been using us to do her shit work.
Oh, my gods.
I deloused this wench's goat.
Okay, I confess! I lied!
No shit, Benedict Cumber-douche.
But why?
Because you people keep coming.
Eating my food
and ruining my yard.
We do?
In dreams, she appears near here,
so you all come to find her.
And then you force them to work for you.
I only wanted to repair what was destroyed
by pilgrims like you.
So the real Green Hood, what's her deal?
A Questing Creature.
She can only be caught in dreams. It's tricky.
She is called The Napster.
"Napster"?
Like the music-sharing site?
I met Sean Parker at an Arby's.
I seriously underestimate you sometimes, you know that?
Yeah, no, I know that.
Well, not anymore.
I hate Fillory for making me say this,
but we have to shut down The Napster.
(SIGHS)
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, Poppy wanted to feel like she was on a beach,
so I'm just helping her out.
Definitely acting normal.
(SCOFFS)
Holy shit.
Guys, I think I've got it.
JULIA: Yeah, I mean, that's one way of putting it
the way the lava's erupting.
Don't you get it?
It's the elixir.
- Oh, God. - Ah!
The elixir is dragon spooge.
Why? Why would she steal that?
Holy fuck.
So, remember how we said Quentin was the father?
We lied.
So you're saying you...
Turkey-bastered myself with dragon semen. No big.
I have a few thousand questions.
Think of dragons as universal sperm donors.
Makes for some really cool hybrids.
My kid's gonna be epic.
It sounds kind of dangerous.
Do you have any idea how big it's gonna...
Oh, nope. This is a first.
Historic.
I suggest you back the fuck up.
No one is taking my baby.
Said the world's first true mama of dragons.
Look, Poppy, I don't know you, but you're acting kind of...
Just trust me when I say magical pregnancies
can mess with your head.
Especially the people around you.
Oh, crap.
You know what, hold that thought... Two seconds.
Guys, sidebar?
Dragon fetus.
That's why Q's acting crazy.
Must have some sort of built-in protection.
It's touch.
So that's dragon pregnancy porn?
Don't kink-shame.
No, it says here
that dragon babies have a pheromone.
Anything touches them, it takes over.
Forces them to nurture so the baby's safe.
So Q touched Poppy's belly, and now they're nesting.
The hell are we gonna do?
GAVIN: Traveller-proof wards.
Balls.
I'm supposed to be on easy duty.
"Tag 'em and bag 'em,"
not "manage a hostage situation," for shit's sake.
- We know it's a hostage situation? - Don't be daft.
When people turn in friends and family,
sometimes they take it a touch personal.
You think she realized that Stephanie called us?
Muhammed, I have no idea.
I also don't really give a fuck.
I do. Protocol dictates that we break in there.
Arrest the fugitive before anything happens.
Let me know when you get through the wards.
I'll just be over here, planking.
We can deploy the screamers.
(SIGHS)
You're doing the paperwork.
Alice, I don't know why they're here, okay?
It's probably just a friendly, routine visit.
Just admit it, Stephanie.
You blame me for all your problems.
- That is not true. - You barely think of me as a daughter.
The second you had a chance
to turn me in for your own benefit, you took it.
No, I didn't!
I turned in Carol.
What?
Hi, Carol.
(VOICES ERUPT)
(SCREAMING)
We came for the elixir. The elixir's definitely gone.
We're not getting it back, so now what?
PENNY: I don't know.
I guess we gotta find something else to give the dragon.
It says here that dragon eggs take three years to gestate.
PENNY: So this is informative
dragon pregnancy porn.
Poppy stole the elixir last week.
Would she be this pregnant already?
You think she's lying.
Well, it's Poppy.
I mean, what sounds real?
A reptile-redhead hybrid or a lying thief
stashing actual fertilized dragon eggs somewhere?
I'll beat it out of them.
So you're...
- Normal human pregnant. - KADY: Seriously?
How do we ever believe anything you say?
It's called a misdirect.
Yeah, so that you didn't find Falcor.
We're not calling it "Falcor."
Would you please let me have...
KADY: Okay, well, how is it even possible
you used the elixir to fertilize that?
POPPY: Dragons are just fancy fish.
Spray a load on the egg, and voilà.
Okay, you two have got the pheromone crazies.
You've touched the egg, and now it's making you do stupid things.
You let go of Falcor!
I will murder you if you hurt my baby. Do you understand?
Uh, guys?
Why do I want to lick this egg?
I want to lick this egg.
Oh, that goes away in a few minutes.
Oh, boy.
POPPY: Egg beats oven mitts, bitch.
Now you're my sister-wife.
Julia, you want to get a lick off this egg?
Ooh, four parents?
I mean, I guess it worked on Big Love.
Julia, do not lick that egg!
Don't...
The funny thing is, magic doesn't work on me
the way it does on you!
Travel or follow us and it's eggs over easy, you hear me?
It's Sam's gun. The cop. I kept it.
Smart.
- POPPY: No. - KADY: Back off.
QUENTIN: Falcor.
(POPPY SOBBING)
(VOICES CONTINUE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
The Library won't stop at screaming books.
We have to find a way out of here.
Or Carol could do the right thing and turn herself in.
All I'm doing is selling intimacy aids.
Oh, please.
Half your customers use them to punish their enemies.
Carol, voodoo dolls for fucking are still fucking voodoo dolls.
They are.
Could we use those on the Librarians outside?
They require DNA.
Oh, I have that.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Miss Judgey.
I didn't.
Not that I wouldn't,
but they were here this morning,
and their mugs are in the sink.
And maybe next time,
you will listen to me.
I have been trying to get rid of you all day long.
The least you could do is acknowledge
that I didn't turn you in.
You turned in your best friend.
That spell just proves that we are strangers.
And I am fine with it, because I wouldn't want
to be related to somebody who did what you did.
- You... - (ALICE GASPS)
(SIGHS)
Alice, you do not make this easy.
I know what you're capable of.
Good and bad.
But there is nothing that you could say,
there is nothing that you could do,
that would make me turn you in.
(SOBBING) You are all I have.
Could we try the mother-daughter spell one more time?
(GASPS)
Why did it work this time?
You and I never liked each other,
and when Dad died, I thought that we'd finally be done
and you'd wash your hands as a mother, but you didn't.
You still protect me.
In your own way.
Which means I was the one choosing to not be your daughter.
Oh, honey...
So, it was your fault?
(SCOFFS)
(VOICES CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY)
Are you bitches ready for a puppet show?
Oh.
Mmm.
(MOANING)
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
- (CHUCKLES) - Oh, my God.
- (MOANING) - (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
Do that one again.
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH MOANING)
(GRUNTING)
It's over, Jules. Give us the egg.
KADY: What part of "I have a gun" did you forget about?
Back off, or your baby gets it.
Fine.
You gonna hold your arms out there all night?
(WATER BUBBLING)
Holy fuck.
Oh, shit.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Why the hell is everybody yelling?
I sent them to find your elixir.
It is here, O Ancient One. In this egg.
It's, um, kind of fertilized.
ANCIENT ONE: What?
I'm only 12,422.
Too young to be a mother.
Wait, how can you hold it like that?
Um...
- Here, if you'd just take it... - It's mine!
I won it off the Seine River Dragon.
ANCIENT ONE: This is Amelie's egg?
Is that good?
Well, not for Amelie.
(CLEARS THROAT) In the basket.
No, no, please!
- I need it! Please! - Julia, come on. Let's talk about this.
PENNY: It's not too late to do the right thing, Julia.
No, no...
- My baby. - QUENTIN: No, no, no.
- No, my... - No, no, no.
- QUENTIN: Falcor... - My baby.
QUENTIN: Falcor!
Baby...
ZELDA: Thank you, Alice. Truly.
I've arranged for the increase in rations.
Thank you, as well.
(SIGHS) Well, for once,
everyone in this room has done something good.
Let's enjoy it for the five seconds it lasts.
Of course.
Sheila.
And, five seconds over.
(LAUGHS)
Alice. It's good to see you.
Why are you wearing that?
Well, it's because I joined The Order.
And on that note...
- What the fuck did you do to her? - Nothing, I promise.
- They forced you. - Alice, please just sit down.
- No! - It's everything I ever wanted.
- Do you know what they do? - No, nothing's perfect.
- People have died! - Alice,
what you did for me, I will always owe you.
But now you should see what I'm working on.
Alice, I'm helping people.
It's good.
ZELDA: And now you're safe, too, Alice.
As a Junior Librarian,
Sheila's book has been placed in the Poison Room,
where any inconsistencies with your book will remain undetected.
The beacon, please.
Shiela, they're not good, okay?
They're compromised. They are the enemy.
Everyone in this room is your ally.
No.
You have to let me go, hon.
(MOUTHING)
PENNY: How are you?
Well, I didn't get egg fever, so...
I mean, about that.
The not knowing what your deal really is.
Well, whatever it is, it's useful, right?
I didn't ask that.
I don't know.
Q and I, we...
Used to be the same.
I mean, we were the same thing.
- Magicians? - Human.
And now I'm... I don't know what I am.
Unless a god walks in, I'm gonna outlive everyone.
Hard to describe what that feels like.
Except alone.
Funny thing about Travellers,
we're not exactly human either.
You're alone, and you're not.
Oh...
Jesus.
Oh, please tell me that Coldwater's egg hangover is worse than mine.
(PENNY GROANING)
It's just...
I never even thought about being a mom, you know?
And then I found out and...
You realized you wanted to.
Oh, God, no.
I was like, "Hi, field researcher.
"I let poison things bite me for fun. No baby."
But I got invited to see a Haitian Spiketoe mating ritual,
and I sort of forgot to, you know...
Fuck euphemisms, abort it.
Oh.
- I'm sorry to hear that. - Thank you.
So I was like, "Okay, give it to a nice couple."
Fine. But I am not letting it cramp my style.
And then the egg, and the chance to fertilize it,
unprecedented, and...
I basically begged the East River Dragon to revenge-eat me.
I mean, zero mothering instincts.
Well, maybe it's a...
Good thing that you're...
- You know, giving it to... - No, no, that's the thing.
I thought I had zero.
But then I touched that egg and...
I get it now.
And now I feel it for this, too.
Oh, wow.
- Are you sure? - I mean,
unconventional parents can be awesome, right?
Or shitty.
Think about the weird places it'll...
And the germs it'll be exposed to.
Its immune system will be amazing.
And if Mom's a selfish brat, well...
It's not like good parenting makes great artists, right?
I, um, think that you should sleep this off
for just a couple of days. Here.
No, you convinced me.
- Wait, I... - I'm gonna crush this.
Me and Dakota.
Draco.
Misti?
Thank you, Quentin.
Yeah, anytime. Yeah...
Is it mine?
No.
Why? Did you want it to be?
You think you'll ever be a dad?
I hope so.
Cool, 'cause I'm making you the godfather.
- Wait, what? - Okay.
I can't drink, so I need to go make a 6,000 egg omelet immediately.
Oh.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
At the behest of my mistress.
Thank you. Tell her we all said so.
I also have a message for the former goddess.
My mistress wishes you good fortune in recovering your truth.
She advises you not to accept your current circumstance.
It would be best for you and all of our kind
that you make this state you find yourself in
temporary.
Okay. Your mistress have any advice on how I do that?
You must seek The Binder.
She then went on to explain what that means in elaborate detail?
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
MARGO: We're gonna nab this cat bitch
- and get you that prophecy. - Thanks, Margo.
And then I'm gonna slather myself in butter,
throw myself at Josh's feet and beg for forgiveness.
Um, I mean, I guess that's one way of apologizing.
I'm gonna marry that man, Fen.
And I want you to give me away.
Oh. (LAUGHS)
But you and I aren't really...
Oh, this is a dream.
Hey!
Oops!
Guess I run fast in dreams.
Finally caught you, Napster.
- Oh, wow, you're beautiful... - (SNARLS)
(SNARLS)
- Scary. - Why aren't you waking up?
Little trick from my friend Margo.
Potion called Ambien.
I may never wake up.
You found a way so quickly.
This bodes well for your future.
I'm ready.
Tell me.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
You're not gonna like it.
Like what?
Your destiny.
Very hard to change.
Last chance to ask me for someone else's instead.
"Someone else's"?
- I can do that? - Of course.
What'll it be?
I'm...
Margo might need this more than I do.
She rules Fillory, so...
Ah, yes.
The girl raised to marry the king.
Of course you're more worried about her than yourself.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you value yourself, Fen?
Of course I do.
I... Think I do.
I'm not sure.
I need to, don't I?
What good am I to Fillory if I don't?
Okay.
I want mine.
Tell me my destiny.
Your destiny
concerns High King Margo.
Seriously? After all that?
A moment will come to protect the future of Fillory.
A moment to stand beside the High King
before all the leaders of your world...
- I can do that. - And then dethrone her.
- Excuse me? - Violently, if necessary.
Take her crown, Fen.
Even if that means drenching it in her blood.